Letter of Advice

letter of Advice COM200 Inter soulal Communication Instructor Sara Marcus January 9, 2012 near William and Linda, Let me start by labeling congratulations on your recent nuptials. The dickens of you atomic number 18 off to an excellent start in absent advice on how to efficaciously communicate with mavin an opposite. In taking an social talk class, I wipe out learned several designs that I would furnish c argon to pct with you throughout this garner. Communication is important in developing and maintaining a family affinity.A well talk style is vital to giganticer abiding relationships. The obligate dope We Talk is active the map of communicating in a marriage ceremony. Nara Schoenberg gave great(p) insight to giving advice to legion(predicate) that be able to need it that are in a marriage. This article highlighted how with proficient conversation scientific disciplines a marriage bleed be able to sustain itself for a spirit. The results of secu re in effect(p) parley habits allow for build a strong and long lasting relationship.In craveing this article Schoenberg hypothecates that dialogue destines that youre communion and in reality get downting to know atomic number 53 an other and happy marriages exhibits self-disclo sealed, or sacramental manduction your hidden feelings, fears, doubts and perceptions with your subroutinener. These statements are what make this article so relatable to its readers. We communicate in diametrical paths further finding a compatible spring of conference is key to any relationship. Being able to communicate distinctly and strong requires a certain level of confidence.The text book qualification Connections intellectual Interpersonal Communications explains that the basic principle of interpersonal communication deals with concept of who are you. Feeling sure and comfortable of your communicating skills depart date good communication within the relationship. Your sel f-concept is how you look at yourself. It is a psychological image that you have of yourself and it back pole relate to your mental faculty or status in life. Ones self-concept instills ones perception, attitude and behavior, which backside be show during the answer of interpersonal communication.Aspects of ones life influence their self-concept, which not only feign how tidy sum perceive them but how they perceive themselves. In the process of communication, self-knowledge and the expressive style one feel about oneself is revealed to others, and affects how others re influence to them. Consequently, the perceptions one believes others have of them affect how they absorb their communication, which influences their response. In relationships you have to be cognizant of how the opposite sexuality perceives things.Men render things differently than women. I relate this to my childhood when my parents would argue and my scram would declare to my father You hear what you insufficiency to hear. This is evident in the guide that was referenced in the article Close Relationships Some time cover despicable Communication. In the study, researchers asked 24 married couples to take part in an experiment in which two sets of couples sat in chairs and try to signifier out the meaning of phrases whose meaning isnt entirely clear.The example use was a wife who says to her conserve, its acquiring hot in here, as a wind for her husband to turn up the air conditioning a notch, whitethorn be surprised when he interprets her statement as a coy, amorous advance instead (Healthday, 2011). One dash to parry this drop away is not to be rushed and preoccupied. Stop and make sure you go through the purview the other is trying to relay especially since the two of you are married. In beingness sensible of the opposite sex, you have to be aware of how you say things as well.The shadow of your voice sight displace the meaning you are trying to send. The tex t suggests that work to shut judgments about the speakers appearance, tone of voice, or other such figures out of your mind when you are disquisition with any(prenominal)one, and boil down on the words and the meaning rather than on the person delivering the marrow. If you are unsure of a persons meaning, it is not prohibited to ask what is meant. This is a technique that I use in my throw marriage. beforehand a disagreement takes place, I go forth say to my husband I utter now what did you hear? This clears up what my intended message was and attend tos me to vary my tone or body language that my spouse may have found offensive. This was a hard lesson learned be set out I was the one that said things without considering how it well-groundeds to my husband. That was not how I wanted to portray myself and not get into redundant arguments. Linda you also have to keep in mind that you amaze precise animated when you talk. Although William knows this about you, it could become offensive in the passion of the moment. Dr.Terry Orbuch refers to this gracious of body language as a determining factor in the early geezerhood of marriage. In her book, Marital Instability, she surveyed 199 African American couples and 174 bloodless couples who were vertical married and found that body language can cause significant damage in a relationship if it is read the treat way. William should be mindful of his always present smile. In a legal age of cases a great smile is a good thing. However, in times of turmoil a smile can be mistaken to mean that you are not taking the situation seriously.An excellent way to avoid conflict is to develop good listening habits. We have, at some point, exhibited short(p) listening skills. Bad listening habits include Lack of avocation in the subject, focus on the person, not on the content, interrupting, focus on the detail, scatty the big picture, body language that signals disinterest, letting emotions block the meani ng, and daydreaming. whole these things can put any relationship in a downwards spin. These habits could lead to misunderstandings and arguments. There are ways to avoid this. One way is to give your mate your full attention.Attend to what they are saying not just with your ears but with your entire body. Make sure you are facing from each one other during the conversation. Having the right attitude contributes to your desire to want to know what the other is saying. The future(a) thing is having patience and understanding. Sometimes you might have a touchy time getting your point clearly across. If your spouse attempts to help you say what is needed put ont get upset. This could be a good thing because they understand your point. This is always a way of present reliever for them.Even if you do not agree with what they are saying, make sure see what they have to say. Good listening skills also include wise to(p) how to treat your reactions to what is being said. Before yo u respond, take a moment to judge about what was said and how it makes you feel. Your response should reflect how you feel but should not sound like ruttish tirade. A vital key to winning communication is having the ability to understand emotions and being able to express those emotions ( repair, 2011). This is a lot referred to as emotional science.Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself and others. Emotional intelligence includes reservation good judgments about when to deal with emotions and keep them at bay. Kathy Sole feels that emotional intelligence also directly corresponds to emotional healththe higher(prenominal) your EI, the more emotionally healthy you are. Ones emotional health keeps you in tuned with your feelings time being exposed to the feelings of others. This is beneficial in a marital relationship because you dont forget about you when dealing with your spouses feelings.The communication skills o f any couple are established early on and can improve or become worse. In a marriage, communication skill should always improve and a step towards improvement is self-divine revelation. Self-disclosure is the act of sharing aspects of your personal self with other people. This act allows you find commonalities with each other as well as dislikes. Being able to open up up to others is essential to developing a deeper connection Self-disclosure and communication skills general are important components of any healthy relationship.Self-disclosure lays the foundation for the type of relationship you will have with one another. Also it plays an important role in formalize self-worth and identity. While self-disclosure have many benefits the amount of disclosure depends on what will be gained and how much are you losing to your partner. Being on the receiving end of disclosure requires a level of culpability and perhaps forgiveness. William and Linda again I want to congratulate you on your recent engagement. You two have a lifetime of perfecting your communication skills ahead of you.Using the concepts that I have mentioned in this letter will make it easier for you. Thank you for the honor of asking for my advice and wish you many years of happiness. Love, Tasha References Anonymous,. Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication. (2011,January). U. S. News universe of discourse Report,1. Retrieved January 9, 2012, from ABI/ assert Global. (Document ID2270370591). NARA SCHOENBERG. (2011,February6). Can we talk? investigateer talks about the role of communication in marriages. Houston Chronicle,p. 7.Retrieved January 9, 2012, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID2260839481). Sole, K. (2011). Making Connections Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego Bridgepoint Education. Orbuch, T. (2007). Interpersonal Relationships, in The Blackwell encyclopedia of Sociology, G. Ritzer (Ed. ), (Oxford Blackwell Publishing), 2390-2393. Veroff, J. , Orb uch, T. L. (2009). Studying Marital Relationships. In an edited volume called Research Methodologies inAfrican American Communities, Edited by J. Jackson C. Howard (Eds. ), quick of scent Publications.Letter of AdviceLetter of Advice COM200 Interpersonal Communication Instructor Sara Marcus January 9, 2012 Dear William and Linda, Let me start by saying congratulations on your recent nuptials. The two of you are off to an excellent start in wanting advice on how to efficaciously communicate with one another. In taking an interpersonal communication class, I have learned several concepts that I would like to share with you throughout this letter. Communication is important in developing and maintaining a relationship.A healthy communication style is vital to longer lasting relationships. The article Can We Talk is about the role of communication in a marriage. Nara Schoenberg gave great insight to giving advice to many that are able to read it that are in a marriage. This article hi ghlighted how with good communication skills a marriage will be able to sustain itself for a lifetime. The results of good effective communication habits will build a strong and long lasting relationship.In reading this article Schoenberg says that communication means that youre sharing and really getting to know one another and happy marriages exhibits self-disclosure, or sharing your private feelings, fears, doubts and perceptions with your partner. These statements are what make this article so relatable to its readers. We communicate in different ways but finding a compatible form of communication is key to any relationship. Being able to communicate clearly and effective requires a certain level of confidence.The text book Making Connections Understanding Interpersonal Communications explains that the basic principle of interpersonal communication deals with concept of who are you. Feeling sure and comfortable of your communicating skills will ensure good communication within t he relationship. Your self-concept is how you look at yourself. It is a mental image that you have of yourself and it can relate to your mental strength or status in life. Ones self-concept affects ones perception, attitude and behavior, which can be demonstrated during the process of interpersonal communication.Aspects of ones life influence their self-concept, which not only affect how people perceive them but how they perceive themselves. In the process of communication, self-knowledge and the way one feel about oneself is revealed to others, and affects how others react to them. Consequently, the perceptions one believes others have of them affect how they receive their communication, which influences their response. In relationships you have to be cognizant of how the opposite sex perceives things.Men hear things differently than women. I relate this to my childhood when my parents would argue and my mother would say to my father You hear what you want to hear. This is evident in the study that was referenced in the article Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication. In the study, researchers asked 24 married couples to take part in an experiment in which two sets of couples sat in chairs and tried to figure out the meaning of phrases whose meaning isnt entirely clear.The example used was a wife who says to her husband, its getting hot in here, as a hint for her husband to turn up the air conditioning a notch, may be surprised when he interprets her statement as a coy, amorous advance instead (Healthday, 2011). One way to avoid this mistake is not to be rushed and preoccupied. Stop and make sure you understand the perspective the other is trying to relay especially since the two of you are married. In being aware of the opposite sex, you have to be aware of how you say things as well.The tone of your voice can displace the message you are trying to send. The text suggests that work to shut judgments about the speakers appearance, tone of voice, or other such factors out of your mind when you are speaking with someone, and focus on the words and the meaning rather than on the person delivering the message. If you are unsure of a persons meaning, it is not taboo to ask what is meant. This is a technique that I use in my own marriage. Before a disagreement takes place, I will say to my husband I said now what did you hear? This clears up what my intended message was and helps me to modify my tone or body language that my spouse may have found offensive. This was a hard lesson learned because I was the one that said things without considering how it sounds to my husband. That was not how I wanted to portray myself and not get into unnecessary arguments. Linda you also have to keep in mind that you become very animated when you talk. Although William knows this about you, it could become offensive in the heat of the moment. Dr.Terry Orbuch refers to this kind of body language as a determining factor in the early years of marri age. In her book, Marital Instability, she surveyed 199 African American couples and 174 White couples who were just married and found that body language can cause significant damage in a relationship if it is read the wrong way. William should be mindful of his always present smile. In a majority of cases a great smile is a good thing. However, in times of turmoil a smile can be mistaken to mean that you are not taking the situation seriously.An excellent way to avoid conflict is to develop good listening habits. We have, at some point, exhibited poor listening skills. Bad listening habits include Lack of interest in the subject, focus on the person, not on the content, interrupting, focus on the detail, missing the big picture, body language that signals disinterest, letting emotions block the meaning, and daydreaming. All these things can put any relationship in a downward spin. These habits could lead to misunderstandings and arguments. There are ways to avoid this. One way is t o give your mate your full attention.Attend to what they are saying not just with your ears but with your entire body. Make sure you are facing each other during the conversation. Having the right attitude contributes to your desire to want to know what the other is saying. The next thing is having patience and understanding. Sometimes you might have a difficult time getting your point clearly across. If your spouse attempts to help you say what is needed dont get upset. This could be a good thing because they understand your point. This is always a way of showing support for them.Even if you do not agree with what they are saying, make sure respect what they have to say. Good listening skills also include knowing how to manage your reactions to what is being said. Before you respond, take a moment to think about what was said and how it makes you feel. Your response should reflect how you feel but should not sound like emotional tirade. A vital key to successful communication is ha ving the ability to understand emotions and being able to express those emotions (Sole, 2011). This is often referred to as emotional intelligence.Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself and others. Emotional intelligence includes making good judgments about when to deal with emotions and keep them at bay. Kathy Sole feels that emotional intelligence also directly corresponds to emotional healththe higher your EI, the more emotionally healthy you are. Ones emotional health keeps you in tuned with your feelings while being exposed to the feelings of others. This is beneficial in a marital relationship because you dont forget about you when dealing with your spouses feelings.The communication skills of any couple are established early on and can improve or become worse. In a marriage, communication skill should always improve and a step towards improvement is self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is the act of sharing aspects of y our personal self with other people. This act allows you find commonalities with each other as well as dislikes. Being able to open up to others is essential to developing a deeper connection Self-disclosure and communication skills overall are important components of any healthy relationship.Self-disclosure lays the foundation for the type of relationship you will have with one another. Also it plays an important role in validating self-worth and identity. While self-disclosure have many benefits the amount of disclosure depends on what will be gained and how much are you losing to your partner. Being on the receiving end of disclosure requires a level of culpability and perhaps forgiveness. William and Linda again I want to congratulate you on your recent engagement. You two have a lifetime of perfecting your communication skills ahead of you.Using the concepts that I have mentioned in this letter will make it easier for you. Thank you for the honor of asking for my advice and wis h you many years of happiness. Love, Tasha References Anonymous,. Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication. (2011,January). U. S. News World Report,1. Retrieved January 9, 2012, from ABI/INFORM Global. (Document ID2270370591). NARA SCHOENBERG. (2011,February6). Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in marriages. Houston Chronicle,p. 7.Retrieved January 9, 2012, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID2260839481). Sole, K. (2011). Making Connections Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego Bridgepoint Education. Orbuch, T. (2007). Interpersonal Relationships, in The Blackwell Encyclopedia of Sociology, G. Ritzer (Ed. ), (Oxford Blackwell Publishing), 2390-2393. Veroff, J. , Orbuch, T. L. (2009). Studying Marital Relationships. In an edited volume called Research Methodologies inAfrican American Communities, Edited by J. Jackson C. Howard (Eds. ), Sage Publications.